she ground down my corners

Fuck, can I tell you how much I love the matches? No hush, I don't care for your opinion of them.

Pretty eventful day for a sick lad, ...I have a vagina, does that still make me a lad? Or perhaps I'm a lass but I don't like the connotation of pulling ass out of anything. Particularly lass.
Uh, visited Asbury Park today with my ma. Outta no where last weekend she goes, 'Wanna go to Neptune? I bet you miss Asbury Park, lets go visit next Sunday' So ..we did. Got lost, that sucked, but mama's a smarty so we found our way. I wish I could have taken Marloooww, even though he woulda gone mad balistic. They're building the place up, it's really nice to see. There were a lot of people browsin about and surprising, none of them were homeless people or bums or yanno, whatever. The only sad part is that they actually boarded off construction and pulled out 'Watch zone' and 'No Trespassing' signs, so there wasn't much for me to wander about. I took really nice pictures, or ..atleast I think I did. You never know with the Lumix. Aw, dude. So when we got there it was foggy as shit, right? And when you walked onto the boardwalk the fog was just at calf's height, and it looked as though it was just rolling around by your feet, so fucking awesome. Then, walking through the Convention Hall there was a like, 8 year old covering Green Day, by himself, outside of this bar. Literally, pudgy little kid outta no where. Crazy. The Convention Hall's looking really nice, they've got little shops in there now and !!! there was even a little Bamboozle truck outside. Cute! I say Bamby z should be in Asbury next year. And every year. It's an easier commute for everyone and I'm sure the good ol Park could use the business of buzzing shitty teenys trashing the place for a day or two. Le sigh. I love Asbury Park.
After that I came home for a little, laid down til Joe called and went to Lancers for a sec. Frank's scary, I like Joe.
And now I'm home, I just washed my face and brushed my teeth and took cold meds, hah they had little 215's on them. I'm gay, I took a picture. Now what?

Fingers are blistered, right down to the filter

Mmm, I didn't like what I had written this morning. I'll start over.

Aye yuck! Wet pups. Wet Ollie, least I smell nice. Jesus, h8 rain.

All day I've been thinking about it, remember that time we watched 'Count Your Blessings' with Peter, and that lady mentioned something about the world being here for you. And you have to live in it as though it's for your taking, and only yours. Nice motto. It's pretty deep, when you think about it. And I've been thinking about it alot. I'm not sure how to fill this paragraph, because it all sums up the same crap I've mentioned in posts before, I guess I'm just excited for it. It's rewarding. This all? It's for me. It's to better me, to heighten my potential to be everything I've wanted to and to extend my health. It's take me a while to get to that point, but I'm here. And I'm excited. Woah, hold up. DUDE ELLENS ON. Elllllllleeeeeeeeeen.<3

I threw in the few hundred for a membership to Planet Fitness today, fucking sweet. It really seems like a nice gym, and I really would love to make a four day of the week kinda thing of it. Hopefully Nestle let's up the choke chain just a tad so I can fit it in way more often, I really wanna look nice for summer time. I mean, who doesn't? But still.

Quitting smoking, that's cool. Gonna better my body. Sounds great.

I'm so happy the weekends rearing near, so fucking lovely dude. So I work friday from 3 to 5 and Saturday 8 to 4, fucking...practically Nestle free. YES. Yes yes yes. I have no idea what I'm doing Saturday, but you know, I'll work it out. And tomorrow? Tomorrow's Friday, best day of the week, right? Just got better. Doctors appointment at 8, so I won't be in til like what, 9? 9:30 tops. [Tops aren't likely. S'okay.] Face face phills out my D180, I head back to school and coast til maybe 8th or 9th period then I give blood then I go home. Dunno about you, but I'm hype. You hush.

Alright, I'm officially outta shit to right, I ought to go slaughter this paper. peace

oh, right, goodmorning.

I felt today was an ample day for a morning post, I really ought to be sleeping more with me being plagued by whatever the crap I have...but my body clock is awful harsh on itself. :[

I wish mornings were a little easier in the Sabol household, but where in America can you find a home with two grumpy 55+ yr old rents caring for a crappy teen and their sister, all awake at five am, that isn't havin a rough time? Maybe I'm wishing more so along the lines that I wish my dad wasn't such a hypochondriac grumpy gills. I swear every week he comes up with something new to say he's 'caught onto' and finds a way to make the rest of us miserable. Not so nice to wake up to.

However, what is nice about today is that I've got a really great night ahead of me, so I'm okay with dealing with these shananigans for now. Who's to lie? I'm big time crushing, and when I say big time I mean elephants and whales and other extremely large specimans to make analogies of. Ohhhhhh boy.

Speaking of large specimans, I've decided to rev up a sketch book again just for shits and giggles and I drew the most amazing rhino knitting socks with a kitten. I'm really surprising myself lately with what I'm actually capable of, and it's kind of crazy that the route of my problems was honestly just what I thought would shy them all away.

Life's about no regrets, right? We arent supposed to hold regret of any event in our lives because even as treacherous as they may have been, they make us stronger and build our character..right? Well then maybe I don't regret Alex, maybe it's more wishful thinking in that I wish I hadn't been so fucking naive. I wish I listened. I wish I hadn't wasted so much tiiiime. I mean, don't get me wrong, I had feelings for him, but I was far too dependent upon him. And I'm not sure how it happened or what he did nor what I did to allow that to occur but, it wasn't healthy, you know? It's crazy, whatevs dude.

So anyway, in short terms, I haven't had like insane, awesome, I'm totally attracted to you in every which way feelings in the longest fucking time. The longest fucking time. And having them come so suddenly is such a rush. Did I really wanna write this much about all that? Okay, I'll stop now. When I get home I'm going to add more to this post other than stupid tales of my heart strings.

! Where did my blue skirt go? My faaaavorite blue skirt has been taken hostage by the dust bunnies in my basement laundry room and I think it's high and time I showered the icky germs off and set for my quest to find my fucking skirt.

au revoir blogland

Indecisive

I DONT KNOW WHAT TO WRITEEEEEE!!





ooof

That was so weird.

I don't think I have it in me to write a full pledge post right now, soooo much sleepy dust.
We'll sum it up, okay, that sounds fine. Hm, should I seperate these in paragraphs? They won't be all to long cause they're chopped down summaries, but eh, yeah.
-Pete and Pete are Pete and Pete and I love Izzy Rex. Everyone in the world has that one kinda person that when they come together, click, and they just turn on. It's crazy, I'm the most anti-social, boring old person any other day of the week, but with Izzy it's tots different. I really don't know how to explain it, it just happens. I just said tots.
-I miss local punk. Ah I know, quit your pissin, bitch; cause it hasn't been around for awhile, but okay, back in the day there were so nice. That and just shows in general. I gave up on the local music scene about this summer past, but I mean, I just need to give everyone a chance, take the time, check shit out, and find what I like.
-And maybe my parents aren't so bad, after all. I explained to my mom what happened last night, and she was really..really cool about it. Why is this completely mind blowing to me? Because, I'm the baby. My brother and sister did alot of bad deed in their day and they were brought home by the cops on more occasions than you can count on your fingers and toes. My parents kind of relied on me from the start to be the brain, the one that wasn't gonna fuck up. So figure I am pretty much forced home, escorted by the police at 3am for sitting around and talking to a kid for a while, you'd think they'd go balistic. But, no! My mom was really okay with it, my dad you know, pissed a brick for a sec but he pretty much told me it was okay today. That's just insanity to me. I really thought I was gonna have to spent my pre-Nestle morning peeling bits and particles of my face off the wall.
-Corporate comes tomorrow. I close tonight. FML.

Well, I was gonna write more but Izzy just ran in, syanora Blogspot land

I am the spider, I crawl inside her

Ah, today was a slooooow day. Nothing too special, just kind of bummed that I can't go out tonight because of work, and I can't even fit anything in before hand, cause that'd really be pushing it. :/ I mean, it's okay, but I've really been meaning to quit Nestle, for a long time. I think the story goes for the same for any teen holding a job at a pretty crappily run, small town food franchise, but I'm actually getting tired of complaining about the stupid crap that goes on there. My managers are adorable, I love them, I just don't love the way they approach any sort of challenge. I also don't really love being the last gal in the mall around 10, ..11pm on a school night. Factor in that I'm not too strong, and I mean, I think we'd all agree that I'm pretty adorable. Therefore, little Ollie isn't left feeling quite so comfy after a 6 hour shift, walking the short distance by her lonesome to grab her ride home. As well, I think we're all pissing and moaning about this subject, but I just wish it was a little easier to catch a new job. I've got fantastic history, I really should do well on applications, I mean I'm 16, I've had five jobs, and I've never in my life been fired, I have good reccs and I'm really fucking good at that 'yes! i'd be the most perfect employee because I can tone my voice upward and work smiling real sweetly in your presence' kind of thing.
Annnnyywho, PSSA's are done tomorrow, thank god. They're honestly not so bad, I'm just super jealous that I don't get to come in soooo late. Fuckin seniors, fuckin underclassmen. Schools okay, not bad, not great. inching towards that time of year when classy Up Mo teachers decide 'what the hell, we're not gonna do jack shit till finals ring about' Mmm, I can't wait.

It's warm out, too! It'll probably be fucking antartic and snowing tomorrow, but I'm fine with the warmth for today. I just wish I could go outside a little morrrre, but we went over this earlier, work sucks. I know.

Oh and the prowl? I think it's going A-okay. :) I've got my eye on a certain someone.
Oof, and last night I baked a cake with my mom, we made the icing from scratch and everything. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever so much as look at icing for quite some time.. Today's Jenny's birthday, she's turning 54. I think if anything, she has got to be one of the few people I admire in this world. Just to give you a skim of her backround, Jenny has severe downs syndrome, and her life's pretty much been sprinkled with death dates since she was born. Think of that, doctors on the constant telling you that you're gonna be out in a matter of days, months, maybe if you're lucky, years. Yet she always sports her grin, and she's always the first one to topple you with a hug if she can sense even so much as the slightest need for one. What's even cooler, is that she's always there to listen. My parents really don't pay so much as an ounce of attention to me, I try to keep busy cause I don't like them much. But when I am home, and if I am upset, I alllways vent to Jenny. And it doesn't matter to me really that she can't feed back some credulous sort of psychoanalysis that'll give me a better perspective of my problems, it's just that she's listening, and I'm venting, and theres always some sort of relief that seems to follow. Sounds mushy gushy, but taking a glance at Jen really makes me appreciate life, cause cruddy days like today, they always make me wander a bit and then I seem to take it for granted.

Hmmm, first post, this can't be so bad! So the past weeks been pretty crazy so far, imagine that - it's only Tuesday. Alex and I are over, and honestly...I think I'm kind of happy that it's done. Yeah, I loved him, but it was a bitter sweet kind of thing. What I had with him, left me a little too dependent, and I'm proud to say I'm ready [and jump started] on becoming my own woman again. With Alex, I kind of just let my self go, because I had always figured that I would have him at the end of the day. Guessed wrong! So, I'm picking up my grades, working out, and in general, kicking ass.
When I woke up on Monday, I had a sort of epiphany. This exact time, just last year, is when my life came to a hault. I had my incident in Doylestown, got knee surgery, was subjected to bed-rest for about a month, came back, and the world hadn't missed a beat since I'd been gone. But you see, I never really caught back up. Instead, I just let go. I let school go to shit because it was practically over, and I had missed the last essential month, teachers were tired and didn't feel like re-teaching the work, they just wanted to go home. I didn't have to worry much about my weight because I'd lost so much from the post surgery, pill induced loss of appetite, and I was pretty much thriving in stupid things. Well, I think it's high and time I hit rewind and grasp.
I've gained weight from getting really ill in December, but I'm really starting to work it off, so nice. I've picked back up on sewing, so it's kind of like an entire new wardrobe has risen from the dusk of my 'This is still cute, but it's from my chubby chunker days' pile, my grades are looking up [101% in chemistry? fucking holla at your girl], Izzy's been back around and Pete and Pete is coming together, I'm trying harder not to be so awkward in the social sense, I've been writing more, drawing more, and I'm really regaining my confidence.
Speaking of confidence, I'm kind of, on the prowl again. So I guess that's gonna be a big key importance. I'd be lying if I were to say I wasn't dying to get on the scene again for a short period of time. I'd always wander back to that line of Tegan an Sara, 'I'm not unfaithful but I'll stray', I'd always catch myself looking, inching towards a little flirting. Yikes, well, like I said earlier, I'm free now. So I've gotta make use of what I got. I've never really utilized the factor of being 'cute', or realized the the mileage of a simple smile and a little dab of makeup, until recently. It's amazing what those little things can do, and where they can get you.I've been listening to alot of SYG, particularily 'Goonies Never Say Die' , the song actually came on in Hot Topic when Tiff and I ventured to the Mont mall. It's following me, though this has positive potential. Oh! And, today, after a fail of the prowl, there was success in picking up that glorious perfume from P!NK, that shit that Eric guy said 'I'd marry any woman wearing this scent' to Izzy on New Years. Two bottles infact!
The last three days have proven nothing but success and I've got good time ahead of me, let it roll.